If you haven’t seen the Lego Movie yet, we won’t spoil it for you. But it is amazing.
It’s weird though, right? Lego has built itself a handsome franchise on converting popular films (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings) into blocky videogames, and now it has taken the reverse route and created a movie based in its ubiquitous plastic bricks. That was… unexpected.
But which other video games could make the transition to the silver screen (but won’t)? What would their plots be? And who would star and direct?
So put down that gamepad, pick up the popcorn and join us in the back row for these game-to-cinema blockbusters (that will never happen)…
What a drama you could make out of this.
A nameless man (Ryan Reynolds – he’s bland enough) goes about his day, which seems to involve completely redecorating his house.
Having done that, he finds his wife (Maya Rudolph for some great comedic timing) in a pool – which seems to be missing a ladder.
Nothing really seems to make sense to our hapless hero, and when he loses his job in a moment of bad luck, he resolves to find out why he has no control over his life.
Jesse Eisenberg is a neurotic Sackboy who worries far too much about unimportant things – like dying – rather than having fun with the other Sackboys and Sackgirls.
He’s too scared to leave his orderly world to have some fun with one Sackgirl in particular (Alison Brie, because she’s just too cute). But he has to act fast when The Collector appears and starts stealing his friends.
Stephen Fry reprises his role as the narrator.
This one wouldn’t require a human deus ex machina; Dance Central 3 already has a pretty decent plot to adapt, for a dance game at least.
Dance Central Intelligence (DCI) agents Rasa and Lima (Donald Glover and Anna Kendrick in break-out ‘serious’ roles) recruit a moody Liam Hemsworth (not Thor, the other one) to time-travel to other decades and bring back other DCI agents. And he has to dance. All the time.
Oh, and bad-guy Doctor Tan is played by Hugh Laurie. Yeah, this is a shoo-in for an Oscar.
Apparently this one is already being made into a film by the guy who remade The Karate Kid, but is stuck in development hell.
God knows what they’re planning, but if it’s anything like playing the game was, it’ll have a hapless but well-meaning idiot – let’s say Chris Pratt, since he did such a good job with the Lego Movie – take over a failing theme park.
After a string of bad decisions – a badly designed ride, staff striking, an insanely designed ride – he finally figures it out, with the help of a manic pixie dream girl type (probably Zooey Deschanel).
Octodad: Dadliest Catch
There should be more games like Octodad: Dadliest Catch. So there should probably be more films like it too, right?
Ty Burrell (the earnest but hapless Phil in Modern Family) is a secret octopus living in suburbia. His wife Scarlet (Jennifer Lawrence, since she made such a good wife in American Hustle) doesn’t suspect a thing.
Chef Fujimoto, on the other hand, thinks Octodad will make a mighty tasty piece of sushi…
Give the Coen brothers this to adapt and have it turn into a deliciously dark drama, à la No Country for Old Men or True Grit.
In a post-apocalyptic land, you must mine for materials to build a nightly shelter against the creepers… as well as the more traditional zombies and skeletons. The key word is survival.
Alternatively, this could be the ultimate blockbuster. Let Michael Bay hack at the idea until there’s enough of a reason for him to shove Rosie Huntington-Whitely and/or Megan Fox in it. That’ll sell.
Grand Theft Auto V
Well, there should probably at least one trigger-happy game in this list, right?
Cutting down the 60 or so hours you actually play the game wouldn’t be easy, but focusing on the relationships between Michael (Alec Baldwin could probably pull this one off, if Ray Liotta’s looking too old), Trevor (Nicholas Cage, naturally) and Franklin (50 Cent, Kanye, or any other rapper looking to go into film), and the moments they all overlap, would definitely give it some gravitas.
Bonus points for having all of the alternate endings on the DVD/Blu-ray release.