He’s perennially perma-tamed, allegedly Botox-ed up to the nines and has the whitest teeth this side of the Atlantic. Yes, forget David Beckham or David Gandy, Simon Cowell is the most groomed gent in showbiz.
But aside from wearing high-waisted jeans and a tight-fitting T-shirt, how easy is it to turn your average Joe into the multi-million dollar mogul currently on our screens on The X Factor?
His kid Eric, gaggle of X Factor groupies including Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne and the wodges of cash aside, it’s a lot easier than you think.
All you need is 20 minutes and a few clever beauty products to turn Joe Bloggs (in our case, BT.com’s very own Chas Early above and below before his makeover) into Mr Nasty himself. With The X Factor in full swing, what better time to try it yourself?
Simon’s teeth are expensively veneered and whitened – he even dedicated The X Factor’s 2010 National Television Award to his dentist Rob McNeil – but there’s none of that luxury for our Chas, who has to make do with a budget version.
We used at-home whitening trays iWhite Instant that whiten your teeth in 20 minutes. We start the stopwatch…
We’ve all seen the pictures of Simon parading his moobs on holiday with partner Lauren Silverman, all sucked-in tummy and hairy chest. Simon is said to enjoy a detoxing plastic wrap from time to time but that takes too long for us impatient types.
Instead, Chas is chiselled to Cowell perfection with a Tone Tee, a body-sculpting vest that’s like Spanx for the male torso. Chas commented: “It’ll stop me eating anything, it’s that tight…”
Cowell was once quotes as saying that Botox “simply works. Who cares?” but who needs needles when you’ve got reams of creams promising the same effect but with no downtime?
We apply the instantly working Laboratoires’ Filorga Deep Wrinkle Soothing Treatment onto Chas’s forehead. We’re keeping this forehead tight!
You can’t copy Cowell without a good tan. His is a combination of expensive, far-flung holidays and a little fakery along the way.
Since we’ve only got minutes left to spare, we rely on the Fake Bake Beyond Bronze Wash Off Tan Matte to give Chas the air that he’s just jetted in from his luxury yacht somewhere off the coast of St Barts. We plied the stuff on – go hard or go home.
He has a tiny sprinkling of greys but Simon’s hair is, otherwise, like Samson’s mane - some even believe it’s where he hides his fortune. To pep up Chas’s hair and give it the Cowell effect, we shook on Viviscal’s Volumising Hair Fibres, an instant volumising powder that gives the illusion of thick, lustrous locks.
It’s a little fiddly but does work, even on your sideburns. If you’re short on the chest hair front too, shake a little down your décolletage. Cowell would.
Some 20 minutes and around £112 later, we’ve created our very own Cowell. OK, so Chas isn’t going to win any Simon lookalike competitions but compared to the mogul’s eye-watering beauty bill (which runs into thousands), Chas gets a yes from us.
On his Cowell-makeover, Chas commented: “Why anyone would want to look like Simon Cowell is beyond me, but these products certainly seem to do the trick.”
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