When your computer goes wrong you try everything: restarting it; strong language; even following the instructions. But have you ever been so desperate you resorted to witchcraft?
The Reverend Joey Talley (she’s an officially ordained minister in California) claims to have had considerable success in exorcising computer viruses from misbehaving PCs, smartphones and even burglar alarms.
She uses a variety of ancient healing techniques on the modern technology. She will burn sage leaves, place crystals and minerals on the machine, or just probe the device with her mind.
She told Vice magazine about her work: “I had a client who I had worked with doing success spells and business spells, and he had a burglar alarm problem.
“The company that installed it came and tried to fix it, and no one could figure out what was wrong. So he called me in.
“I just went into the office and I went into a trance and I felt everything, and, as I recall, I remember feeling a block inside the wall and clearing out the block. He didn’t have any problems after that.”
Understandably, given how tricky they can be to eradicate, her success in banishing computer viruses is drawing the most attention. Here’s how she does it;
“I got contacted by a small business owner in Marin County. She had a couple of different viruses and she called me in.
“First, I cast a circle and called in earth, air, fire and water, and then I called in Mercury - the messenger and communicator. Then I went into a trance state, and all I was doing was feeling.
“I literally feel [the virus] in my body. I can feel the smoothness where the energy’s running, and then I feel a snag. That’s where the virus got in.
“Then I performed a banishing ceremony. I used a black bowl with a magnet and water to draw [the virus] out. Then I [used sage smoke] on the whole computer to chase the negativity back into the bowl, and then I flushed that down the toilet.
“After this I did a purification ceremony. Then I made a protection spell out of chloride, amethyst, and jet. I left these on the computer at the base where she works.”
Joey explains that computer problems can take different forms, and can come from some very strange sources:
“Think of demons as entities—they eat, they absorb energy, and they want to be fed. Computers are a vast store of electromagnetic energy, as well as messages.
“Sometimes when a demon is in a computer system it’s just like a roach in a kitchen. It just eats and stays out of the way.
“But some demons are working for someone who’s trying to hurt you, and those are the really hard ones.”
You may find that traditional antivirus software is more appropriate to your needs, but it’s interesting to know that there are alternatives out there.
Have you got any unusual methods of fixing your computer? Let us know in the Comments section below.