Alas, our trees are as wooden as our Eurovision contestants.
An Estonian oak tree - stranded in the centre of a football field - has left Robin Hood's hideaway in the shade by scooping the European Tree of the Year award with almost 60,000 votes.
The Major Oak (pictured above), the long-standing resident of Sherwood Forest, is associated with Robin Hood and is thought to be between 800 and 1,000 years old.
Big deal, said the voters. It won just 9,941 votes.
Scotland's Lady's Tree, a 100-year-old Scots pine at the Scottish Wildlife Trust's Loch of the Lowes reserve, near Dunkeld, Perthshire, home to a famous osprey, Lady, for nearly a quarter of a century, came 9th with 4,193 votes.
And Wales's Lonely Tree, a Scots pine more than 200 years old which stood on the top of a hill watching over the town of Llanfyllin, Powys, but blew over last April, came 10th with 1,548 votes.
The Estonian oak, a comparative sapling at around 150 years old, received 59,836 votes - almost a third of the almost 185,000 votes cast in total for 14 trees from countries across Europe.
But we shouldn't begrudge the Estonian interloper's success. Like Robin Hood himself, it stood up to tyranny. It is said that two of Josef Stalin's tractors once tried to pull it out of the ground, but the cables kept breaking. It carries the scars to this day.
All the trees join the European Trail of Trees, which allows people to find out more about them.
Woodland Trust ancient tree expert Jill Butler said: "It is clear that some of our European cousins place huge cultural importance on their special trees and it's something we need to adopt in the UK too.
"We have a higher proportion of ancient and other veteran trees than anywhere else in northern Europe and we need to do much more to recognise their value and improve their protection."
Photo credit: European Tree of the Year 2015