30 signs you're a whisky connoisseur

What is this ice in my whisky?

Press Association
Last updated: 3 May 2018 - 1.11pm

Think you know your malts from your grains and your Campbeltown from Lowland distilleries? Can you identify all the Scottish Whisky producing regions? Pah! That’s nothing…

Experts Craig MacLellan, whisky blogger at The Finest Cut and Jason Craig, brand director at Highland Park, know the real signs that you might be a bit of a whisky buff.

1.You take great delight in explaining to people the difference between single malts and blended whiskies.

2.  And explaining why being older doesn’t make a whisky better.

3. You can pronounce an impressive number of strange place names in Scotland.

4. You’ve got an opinion on both non-age statement whiskies AND chill filtering.

5. When you buy a high-end single malt you buy two – one to drink, one to admire in the display cabinet for years to come.

6. The flavours you get when nosing and tasting whisky are numerous, completely random and slightly pretentious.

7. A little piece of your soul dies when someone puts coke in their whisky.

8. You “tut” at whiskies in the supermarket beginning with the word Glen.

9. You talk about the height of whisky stills as if it’s normal conversation.

10. You refer to people like Charlie (MacLean) and Dave (Broom) like you’re old mates.

11. You know that Michael Jackson is more than just the King of Pop.

12. You’re able to explain what “legs” are.

13. You now go to whisky festivals instead of music festivals.

14. You get excited about phrases like “cask strength”.

15. Phenolic Parts per Million (PMM) is part of your everyday life.

16, You become very particular about the type of glass you drink from and will not tolerate ice in your whisky.

17. You know how different types of oak trees grow and which countries they come from.

18. You understand the difference between real cork and composite cork.

19. You choke when people talk about colour being added to whisky.

20. You use words like “floral”, “tannins” and “dried rich fruits” when you’re drinking it.

21. You arrive five hours early at the airport to peruse the latest selection of brands.

22. You sigh deeply when you hear someone order a “scotch”.

23. You question why all ice cannot be hand-carved in Tokyo.

24. You ask what the PH of water is.

25. Your bucket-list is filled with distilleries that are hard to find on a normal map.

26. You attend secret ticket-only whisky events and treat the master distillers like rock stars.

27. You’ve got pipettes at home to ensure you add as little water as possible to your whisky.

28. You know that whisky distilled anywhere outside of Scotland is spelt with an e.

29. You always take a hip flask to a wedding filled with a decent malt.

30. You know that other countries make great whisky but it can’t be as good as Scotch whisky… surely?

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